Out of Place – Mitch Williams, Houston Astros

1994 O-Pee-Chee – Mitch Williams

Where have I been, you ask?  Don’t worry about it.  I’m back.

So, earlier today I was introduced to the following trailer: http://vimeo.com/65751635

This got me thinking about Mitch Williams.  As it turns out, that low and inside pitch that he threw to Joe Carter was the last pitch he ever threw for the Philadelphia Phillies.

Even though he pitched more career games and innings for the Texas Rangers, Mitch will always be a Phillie to me.  I will certainly never think of him as a Houston Astro, as he appears on the lovely piece of O-Pee-Chee cardboard above.

To be fair, I’m not sure the Houston Astros want to remember Mitch Williams all that much either.  He was about as good there, consistently, as he was on his pitch to Carter in Game Six.  He had a 7.65 ERA in 25 games, six saves and a walk rate of 10.8 per nine innings.  All of that for just $2.5 million.  In 1994 dollars.  Good deal!

At least he still had that great mess of a mullet.  It’s almost worth a roster spot on its own.

Badass Beards – Greg Luzinski

1984 Topps - Greg Luzinski

At first glance, Greg Luzinski looks like a Dave Kingman type of player.  He is big, rocked the old-school batting helmet, played in the “Artificial Turf and Overrated Power Stats” era, was questionable at best in the field, and struck out a lot.

However, a bit of a closer look at his nerd stats (see: Morrow, Brandon) shows that Luzinski actually holds up reasonably well as a valuable player, not just a long ball hitting goon.

The key difference here is that Dave Kingman did not have a beard, and Greg Luzinski’s beard was absolutely incredible – completely fitting for a man nicknamed “Bull.”  It’s the kind of beard that separates men from boys and good from evil.

He was also on the cover of Sports Illustrated twice – once with the Phillies, and once with the White Sox.  Both belong in a museum somewhere.  Actually, maybe they already are.

Haircuts I Wish I Could Pull Off – Darren Daulton

1994 Topps - Darren Daulton

With mind-boggling flow like that, I believe that Darren Daulton was born to be a hockey player.  If he played during the hockey-style catcher’s mask era, he could have even challenged Kelly Hrudey for beneath mask mullet supremacy.  He probably could have worn a bandana and gotten away with it if he wanted to.

But, instead, he got into some different ways of thinking.  I won’t use the words “batshit crazy” or “insane,” because people are entitled to their own beliefs, but other people might like those words.  Check this out with a website called Google.com… Magical place.

Fantastic Fashions – Mike Schmidt

1987 Fleer - Mike Schmidt - All Star

This Philadelphia Phillies jersey zips up.

Let me repeat this for you.  It has a zipper on the front.  Not buttons, and it is not a pullover.  It has a fucking zipper.

It is also baby blue, and is being worn by Mike Schmidt on a super cool looking 1987 Fleer All-Star card.

Nothing else needs to be said.  Absolutely awesome.

Amazing Airbrushing – 2010 Topps, Roy Halladay

2010 Topps - Roy Halladay

2010 Topps Opening Day - Roy Halladay

So, airbrushing has come a long way from the days of 1986 Topps.  The brutal (and I know, already well documented) part is that I can’t believe nobody at Topps thought to check to see if Halladay was going to actually wear 32 with Philadelphia.  I guess Steve Carlton had a pretty decent career, guess that’s why 32 didn’t end up being available.  I suppose his 329 career wins flew under Topps’ radar.

2010 Topps Update - Roy Halladay

At least they used a different photo for Topps Update.

Things I Read on the Back of Cards – 1985 Topps, Al Oliver

1985 Topps - Al Oliver (Back)

“Has largest collection of men’s cologne in baseball.  Plays racquetball every day during the off-season.”

1985 Topps - Al Oliver (Front)

I have four things to say/ask:

1. How the hell do they know who has the largest collection of men’s cologne?  Seriously, that question comes up somewhere?
2. Does the racquetball thing make the first part less weird?  No, it does not.
3. I am not surprised that someone with a huge cologne collection would have a mustache like that and a big gold chain.  Kind of makes it more believable.
4. It seems like 1985 Topps is a hotbed for awesome card back facts, which is weird because they’re one of the harder colour schemes to read that Topps ever gave us.

Names I Can’t Believe Aren’t Famous – Bake McBride

1982 Topps - Bake McBride

I think if your first name is Bake, even if it’s a nickname, you have to have unbelievable hair like this.

Two further reasons this name should be famous – both of these factoids were taken from Wikipedia, so they have to be true.  Wikipedia is like the Bible of the 21^st century:

1. Bake’s nephew Joe McBride is a jazz keyboardist and singer.
2. His grandson Ryan “The Bear” McBride played banjo and buckets in the band “Hilltop.”

Seriously.  You can’t make this shit up.  Well, someone might have, but I’m posting it as fact.

Fantastic Fashions – 1990 Bowman, Chuck McElroy

1990 Bowman - Chuck McElroy

Alright.  Let’s break this one down.  Three reasons Chuck should have rethought his look:

1. The glasses.  Oh, the glasses.  Somewhere, Chuck’s grandmother is pissed she can’t see her television program without them.
2. “Hi, my name is Chuck.  I may be 14 years old, but I’m going to grow a mustache anyway.  Fuck you, world.”
3. Intense, overbite-inducing stare.  In a posed photo for 1990 Bowman.  Just look at the camera like everyone else.  Who do you think you are, McElroy?  Did he already know that in 1996 he’d get traded straight up for Lee Smith, giving him some serious bragging rights for life?  Maybe those glasses were giving him Future Vision.

For a guy who started out looking like this, it’s remarkable that he had a solid major league career as a reliever.  Congratulations, Chuck, on overcoming your questionable sense of fashion.