Tag Archives: Haircuts

Haircuts I Wish I Could Pull Off – The Dave Stieb

28 Oct

1993 Topps - Dave Stieb

Stieb’s classic mullet was at its best late in his career.  Injured for much of 1992, he was but a bit player on the Blue Jays first World Series win that season – but he made up for it with the haircut.

Three aspects of the Dave Stieb Haircut come to mind when looking more closely at this 1993 Topps card.

  1. Meticulously groomed on the sides – kept short for a maximum “business” look.
  2. Also well groomed at the back, flowing out from under the cap.  Not just left to grow wild and out of control like Mitch Williams, this flow says “I could throw a no-hitter at you, bitch.”
  3. Coupled perfectly with one of the best pitchers’ mustaches of all time.  Definitely one of the best combinations ever.  Glorious.

Haircuts I Wish I Could Pull Off – The Afro, Tony Scott Edition

23 Sep

1982 Topps - Tony Scott

For a guy drafted in the 71st round (1969, Montreal Expos), Tony Scott had a good career, playing 991 games in the Majors.

I credit the haircut.  That.  Thing.  Is.  Awesome.

That is all.

Haircuts I Wish I Could Pull Off – The Czechoslomullet

17 Aug

Although remnants of it can still be found today, the Czechoslomullet had its heyday in the early 1990’s.  Popular among hockey players from the Czech Republic and Slovakia, it is noticeable by the following three characteristics:

  1. Extra-long flow in the back.  Beyond the level of what was expected from your average hockey haircut.
  2. Often found hiding under one of several models of horrible Jofa buckets.
  3. Usually attached to flashy, offensive-minded players.

1992-93 Upper Deck - Jaromir Jagr (SIDENOTE: How cool were these multiple image cards back then? This should be its own category. Who runs this fucking blog?)

1992-93 Score Dream Team - Jaromir Jagr

Jaromir Jagr (above) is often credited with making the Czechoslomullet famous, and was basically the poster boy throughout his career.  Jagr definitely clung to it long after he should have let go and moved on, but when you get 1599 career NHL points, you can do whatever you want.

1990-91 Pro Set - Petr Klima

Petr Klima wore it well in the early 1990’s for the Edmonton Oilers.  Klima allegedly once said, “I’m not here to work hard, I’m here to score goals.”  Some might say this taints the Czechoslomullet, but I disagree.  I would suggest this type of cocky behaviour only adds to the mystique.  Plus, his Jofa was arguably the worst of all the Jofas.

1991-92 O-Pee-Chee - Petr Svoboda

Petr Svoboda, an elder statesman of this ‘do, was a rare exception by sporting a North American style CCM lid.  However, substantial doubt remains as to whether he wore shoulder pads, as well as just what the hell happened to the second “e” in his name.  Get over yourself, Petr.

1992-93 Upper Deck - Michal Cerny

Although Michal Cerny never played a game in the NHL, he combined long flow and bad helmet at the 1993 IIHF World Junior Championship as well as anyone else in history, and he deserves to be commended for that.  Michal, you have done your homeland and the game of hockey proud.  For that, we thank you.

There you have it, the Czechoslomullet.  I call for a reunion tour.  Anyone?

Haircuts I Wish I Could Pull Off – The Kelly Gruber

12 Aug

I’m going to tell you right now, Kelly Gruber was my favourite player as a kid.  I was ridiculed significantly for this after the wheels fell off his career partway through the 1991 season, but I still maintain he was the best fielding third baseman the Blue Jays have ever had, and for a brief time he was the best hitting one as well.

But let’s be honest.  This isn’t about his abilities as a ballplayer.  This is about his haircut.  The one.  The only.  The Kelly Gruber.  It was more than a mullet.  It was blond magnificence, flowing in the summer breeze.  Just take a look at these examples:

The Kelly Gruber had power.  About to unleash in 1990 Donruss:

1990 Donruss - Kelly Gruber

The Kelly Gruber had assertiveness.  “Just give us a damn minute,” it says in 1993 Upper Deck:

1993 Upper Deck - Kelly Gruber

The Kelly Gruber put on third base clinics.  Smooth as silk in 1989 Score:

1989 Score - Kelly Gruber

The Kelly Gruber was an All-Star.  1991 Topps.  Booya.

1991 Topps All-Star - Kelly Gruber

The Kelly Gruber was what all other mullets wished they could be.

Haircuts I Wish I Could Pull Off – The Brett Hull

12 Jul

1989-90 Topps #186 - Brett Hull

I had a friend who actually had his hair cut like Brett Hull as a kid… and it looked identical.  I was jealous as hell.  I mean, look at how much fun Brett looks like he’s having on that 1989-90 Topps card.  Who wouldn’t want to be a part of that?

The thing about Brett’s haircut is that it wasn’t the mullet in its purest sense.  If you consider that a pure mullet is truly business in the front and party in the back, Brett’s ‘do was a bit off.  What Brett had was fun, spiky party in the front, and all-night-kegger-gongshow in the back – party at both ends.  The only business that Brett was conducting in the late 80’s and early 90’s was scoring goals.  1989-90 was the year of 72 tallies, followed by 86 the year later, followed by 70 the year after that.  And he did it all with his signature party flow.  Unbelievable.

I remember my disappointment when my mother told me that this testament to human ingenuity in the early 1990’s wouldn’t be possible for me.  Apparently, I just didn’t have the right kind of hair for that, like my buddy had.  I think what she was trying to tell me was that I would look ridiculous if I tried, so I give her some credit for sugar coating it for me.  But, 20 years later I’m still bitter – especially since my buddy doesn’t have The Brett Hull anymore, even though he’s fully capable of doing so.  What a waste.

The 1989-90 Topps set (and of course its Canadian O-Pee-Chee counterpart) is one of my favourite hockey sets of all time.  The design is great and the rookie selection, while not high end in value like the lesser-produced 1988-89 sets, is still pretty good.  Rookie highlights include Brian Leetch, Theo Fleury, Gary Roberts, and my personal favourite, Joe Sakic.

The set is full of great players and some pretty solid photography for the era – plus, full stats on the back and they are easy to sort by teams.  Also, this was the last year that there were just Topps and O-Pee-Chee in the hockey card market.  The next year brought us Upper Deck, Score, and Pro Set, and things would never be the same.

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