Manly, Magical Mustaches – Danny Goodwin

1981 Donruss – Danny Goodwin

So, a few weeks ago, Major League Baseball held its 2013 First Year Player Draft.  During that draft, Mark Appel was selected first overall by the Awful Houston Astros.  This took place after Appel was selected eighth overall by the Pittsburgh Pirates (currently the best team in baseball) in the 2012 First Year Player Draft, but did not sign with the team by the signing deadline.

Back in 1971, a ballplayer named Danny Goodwin was drafted first overall by the Chicago White Sox, but did not sign, and instead attended Southern University and A & M.  Then, in 1975, he was drafted first overall by the California Angels, who had been the Los Angeles Angels, and later became the Anaheim Angels, and then the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, due to a few ridiculous people who thought all of this made sense.  This makes Danny Goodwin the only player to ever be selected first overall twice in the MLB draft.

Unfortunately, despite being drafted first overall twice, Danny Goodwin’s career only amounted to 252 games, which is still a lot more than you or I will ever play in the Major Leagues.  Fortunately, Danny Goodwin’s career left baseball, America, the world, and, in fact, the universe, with one of the all-time greatest mustaches in the history of mustaches.  Nobody can fault the White Sox or the Angels for taking such a mustache with a #1 overall pick.  In fact, one might salute them for their selections.

Brothers From Another Mother – Mike Huff/Hough

1992 Topps – Mike Huff

1989-90 O-Pee-Chee – Mike Hough

So, they may have spelled their names differently, but Mike Huff and Mike Hough might very well be related to each other.

How we know they’re different people:

Mike Huff was a marginal Major League Baseball player who played in 369 total games for the Dodgers, Indians, White Sox and Blue Jays.  Mike Hough was a pretty regular NHL’er for over a decade, retiring after the 1998-99 season when he realized that playing for the New York Islanders, Utah Grizzlies and Lowell Lock Monsters in one season wasn’t fun anymore.

How we’re not sure they’re different people because we’ve never seen them in the same room together:

Both of the Mike Huffs/Houghs were born in 1963.  The baseball version was born in Honolulu, and the hockey version was born in Montreal.  Yeah.  Honolulu.  Sure, Mike Huff.  Also, both are listed at 6 feet 1 inch tall.  Convenient.  The kicker here is that Mike Huff, again, conveniently, never became a regular Major Leaguer, which made it much easier to manage his professional hockey career in the NHL.  He just joined his baseball team midseason once he was done on the ice.  I’m convinced this is true and I won’t listen to your reasons why it’s not.

Names I Can’t Believe Aren’t Famous – Daryl Boston

1990 Upper Deck - Daryl Boston

I can totally understand why Daryl Boston looks confused here.  His last name is Boston, but he’s playing in Chicago.  I know what he was thinking: shouldn’t there be a big green wall in left field?  Why are they all forgetting Bucky Dent’s middle name, “Fuckin’?”  Maybe he’d just been sent to the wrong Sox.

The weird thing is, by 1990, Daryl Boston had been in Chicago for six years.  You’d think it would have made sense by then.

In his defense, it sure confused me as a kid.  I hear you, Daryl.  Boston is not Chicago.

Badass Beards – Greg Luzinski

1984 Topps - Greg Luzinski

At first glance, Greg Luzinski looks like a Dave Kingman type of player.  He is big, rocked the old-school batting helmet, played in the “Artificial Turf and Overrated Power Stats” era, was questionable at best in the field, and struck out a lot.

However, a bit of a closer look at his nerd stats (see: Morrow, Brandon) shows that Luzinski actually holds up reasonably well as a valuable player, not just a long ball hitting goon.

The key difference here is that Dave Kingman did not have a beard, and Greg Luzinski’s beard was absolutely incredible – completely fitting for a man nicknamed “Bull.”  It’s the kind of beard that separates men from boys and good from evil.

He was also on the cover of Sports Illustrated twice – once with the Phillies, and once with the White Sox.  Both belong in a museum somewhere.  Actually, maybe they already are.

Newsworthy – Ozzie Guillen

1987 Donruss - Ozzie Guillen

Ozzie Guillen said a lot of funny things.  If you are not very smart and therefore don’t believe me, read this and you will understand.

Yesterday, he quit – er, was released from his contract – as Manager of the Chicago White Sox.  Asked why, he said:

“Life is about money. People don’t believe that, but people are happy after they make money. I have to make money out of somewhere. I’m not a doctor or a lawyer, where you’ll have a job for the rest of your life.”

Ozzie Guillen earned over $23 million dollars during his career as a professional baseball player, and was reportedly to be paid two million dollars by Chicago in 2012 as their Manager.

So… Ozzie Guillen made a lot of normal people feel like dicks yesterday.

Out of Place – Dave Stieb

1993 Upper Deck - Dave Stieb

Dave Stieb has already been featured a couple of times here at Sorting by Teams.  Get used to it.  Dave Stieb is fucking awesome and he will be featured again.  Be ready for it.

Right here, however, we have a weird moment on 1993 Upper Deck where Dave Stieb is shown pitching for the Chicago White Sox.  Trust me when I tell you, nobody wants to pitch for the Chicago White Sox.  People just don’t care.  Dave Stieb ended up pitching a total of 22.1 innings for them, and I’ll bet about eight people noticed.  He did not have good numbers there.

Little known fact: Stieb was signed by the Kansas City Royals for about 6 weeks after being released by Chicago early in the 1993 season. He never pitched for them, and even if he was going to, at least they wore blue.

Dave Stieb knew that going to Chicago and Kansas City was wrong too.  That’s why he went into hiding from that point until 1998, when he actually pitched pretty well over 19 games for the Blue Jays, posting a 1-2 record, 2 saves, and a 4.83 ERA.  It was a surprising comeback, but Dave Stieb was a Blue Jay and a Blue Jay alone.  We just got it, and we got him.

Names I Can’t Believe Aren’t Famous – Dick Tidrow

1984 Topps - Dick Tidrow

This one could have fallen into the Manly, Magical Mustaches category as well, but a name like Dick Tidrow belongs here.  It’s the kind of name you’d expect for someone who also inherited the nickname “Dirt.”  This was, according to Wikipedia, because he had a propensity for getting his uniform dirty even before games.

Tidrow, after a successful playing career including two World Series championships with the Yankees, has had a successful career with the San Francisco Giants as their Vice-President, Player Personnel. He still has his mustache.

Fantastic Fashions – the Chicago White Sox

If you didn’t watch baseball before 1991, when they switched to the classic black, white and silver that they wear today – one of the best uniforms in baseball – you wouldn’t be aware that for a long time, the Chicago White Sox had awful, horrible uniforms and were a gimmick-ridden club that never won anything.

At various times, they tried several combinations of black, blue and even bright red.  They had pinstriped uniforms, and then they removed the pinstripes, and then they brought the pinstripes back.  Their “sox” weren’t even white for the  longest time.  In 1976, they even tried wearing shorts.  Yes, shorts.  In baseball.  In the Major Leagues.  True story.  Some pretty good players play in the Major Leagues, they say it’s the best baseball in the world.

Basically, they were a colossal clusterfuck of baseball fashion.

Today, we are going to highlight their uniforms from the late 1970’s into the early 1980’s, and then the last design they wore throughout the majority of the 1980’s.

Highlights of the late 1970’s-early 1980’s, modeled for us here on 1982 Topps by pitcher Steve Trout:

1982 Topps - Steve Trout

-Vintage jerseys, before vintage was cool.  In fact, at this time, vintage was decidedly uncool.  Have you seen the multicoloured polyester crap MLB teams wore during that time, mostly in football stadiums with artificial turf?
-Untucked jersey.  That’s right.  Untucked.  Like pajamas.
-Big, fat, 1970’s collars.
-Don’t forget, they wore fucking shorts with these uniforms once.

Highlights of the rest of the 1980’s, modeled for us on 1983 Topps by outfielder Rudy Law:

1983 Topps - Rudy Law

-Big thick stripes on the sleeves.
-Big thick stripes housing the logo on the front.
-A number on the elastic-waist pants.
-General confusion with hockey jerseys.

Things are much better for the White Sox now, but they certainly stood out among the worst in a bad era of fashion for baseball.

WTF – Aurelio Rodriguez

1983 Fleer - Aurelio Rodriguez

Hey, Aurelio, what the hell is so goddamn funny?

PS. Nice mustache.