Manly, Magical Mustaches – Fred McGriff

1990 Upper Deck – Fred McGriff

Fred McGriff had a pretty good career in the Major Leagues of Baseball.  He hit 493 career home runs, which is more than all but 26 men in history.  He averaged over 100 RBI per 162 games, which used to mean something.  He hit .303 in 188 career postseason at bats, including a World Series win with Atlanta (yes, they actually won one).  So, yeah, not bad.

However, he has always been underrated in one crucial category: the mustache.  It wasn’t imposing, didn’t dominate your attention when you looked at him.  But it was there.  In an era of Goose Gossage, Wade Boggs, and Eddie Murray, McGriff easily flew under the mustache radar.  When you look at it though, that’s kind of hard to believe.  It was well-manicured without being fancy and full without going overboard.  It was a subtle and consistent compliment to a subtle and consistent ballplayer – and it deserves to be recognized as such.

Take a moment, raise your glass, and salute the underdog owned by the Crime Dog: the Manly, Magical Mustache of Fred McGriff.

Brothers From Another Mother – C(h)ris Carpenter

1990 Upper Deck – Cris Carpenter

2010 Topps – Chris Carpenter

How we know they’re different people:

Cris Carpenter pitched for four different teams (St. Louis, Florida, Texas and Milwaukee) in a career that featured 291 Major League appearances between 1988 and 1996, 13 of which were starts.  He was a pretty middling middle reliever for a few years, and according to Baseball-Reference.com, had a similar career to Oscar Villarreal, John Frascatore, and Donn Pall, earning just over $2.2 million in the process.  Wikipedia tells us that he now teaches social studies at Gainesville High School in Gainesville, Georgia after.

Chris Carpenter was the 2005 National League Cy Young Award winner.  He has consistently been one of the best starting pitchers in the league when healthy, compiling a career record of 144-92.  He has been outstanding in the playoffs in helping the St. Louis Cardinals win two World Series titles (2006, 2011), and has career earnings of over $77 million.  He is currently on the disabled list battling back from yet another injury – thus far injuries have cost him the 2003 season as well as most of 2007 and 2008.  From all of this, it would seem that Cris and Chris Carpenter are actually different people.

How we’re not sure they’re different people because we’ve never seen them in the same room together:

Cris Carpenter was drafted by the Toronto Blue Jays but spent the majority of his career, achieving the most success, with St. Louis.  Chris Carpenter was also drafted by the Toronto Blue Jays, but has spent the majority of his career, achieving the most success, with St. Louis.  This seems like too much of a coincidence to be true, doesn’t it?  You’d think he could have done more than just add an “h” in his name for the second go-round, which started in 1997, the year after “Cris Carpenter” retired.  Hmmm…

Names I Can’t Believe Aren’t Famous – Daryl Boston

1990 Upper Deck - Daryl Boston

I can totally understand why Daryl Boston looks confused here.  His last name is Boston, but he’s playing in Chicago.  I know what he was thinking: shouldn’t there be a big green wall in left field?  Why are they all forgetting Bucky Dent’s middle name, “Fuckin’?”  Maybe he’d just been sent to the wrong Sox.

The weird thing is, by 1990, Daryl Boston had been in Chicago for six years.  You’d think it would have made sense by then.

In his defense, it sure confused me as a kid.  I hear you, Daryl.  Boston is not Chicago.

Manly, Magical Mustaches – Kevin McReynolds

1990 Upper Deck - Kevin McReynolds

Kevin McReynolds’ career numbers were pretty damn consistent in the late 1980’s.  If I was that consistent, I’d probably try to grow a mustache too.

However, his mustache lacks the consistency of his offensive production, and kind of looks like a lot of weak, vaguely creepy mustaches I’m seeing around on this, the second week of Movember.

Good effort, bad result, McReynolds.

Names I Can’t Believe Aren’t Famous – Howard Farmer

1990 Upper Deck - Howard Farmer

Do you think that somewhere in the Midwest or the Prairies there is a farmer working the fields with the last name Ballplayer?  Bit of a stretch, but if we’re going to have family names that describe an occupation, let’s at least try to get it right.  Howard Farmer was not a farmer, I think it is clear from his baseball card that he was a baseball player.  Gosh.

Interestingly, Howard Farmer and his younger brother Mike Farmer each pitched part of one season, but nothing more, in the Major Leagues – Howard pitched six games (and wore two jersey numbers) with the Montreal Expos in 1990, and Mike seven games with the Colorado Rockies in 1996.

Haircuts I Wish I Could Pull Off – The Eck

1990 Upper Deck - Dennis Eckersley

When I see this haircut, the glorious, dark flowing mane they call The Eck, it makes me think of the following things:

-A heightened level of intensity on the mound.
-That one-eyed, sidearm delivery, frozen on so many baseball cards.
-The accompanying mustache.
-The days when the Oakland A’s were the big, bad guys and the Yankees were average.
-Robbie Alomar hitting a home run to turn the 1992 ALCS around.
-Hating Dennis Eckersley.  Not because he was such a good pitcher on a team I couldn’t stand, but because he pulled off the same great flow for his entire career.

Two Teams, One Player – 1990 Upper Deck, Oil Can Boyd

1990 Upper Deck - Oil Can Boyd (Lo Series)

1990 Upper Deck - Oil Can Boyd (Hi Series)

Things that need to be pointed out here:

-Awesome name… Oil Can.  You just don’t see that anymore, it’s too bad.
-Red Sox uniform: hat perched way up high for that “I can do whatever the fuck I want” effect
-Expos uniform: glasses off for that “Clark Kent/Superman” effect
-Both cards: just a hint of the mass of gold chains Oil Can was famous for wearing.  I remember one big delay in a game against the Blue Jays when someone had to come out and take them off for him, the umpires said it was distracting or something.