WTF – Junior Felix

1992 Donruss Triple Play – Junior Felix

While it appears that this is a baseball card of Pete O’Brien’s ass, in actuality, it is not.  In one of the worst photography selections of all time, this was actually chosen as the photo for a baseball card of Junior Felix.

You might remember Junior Felix.  He hit a home run in his first Major League at bat, caught the final out of Dave Stieb’s no hitter, made Blue Jays fans think he could be a superstar for a while (see current example: Yan Gomes), and then, well, that’s about it.

Today in Awkwardness…

1992 Score - Joe Carter

And today in horribly awkward looking swings, Joe Carter takes a hack on 1992 Score baseball.

Fortunately, a little while later, Carter took a better swing, which led to Coca-Cola producing this commercial, which makes me realize how long ago 1993 really is.

WTF – 1984 Topps, Neil Allen

1984 Topps - Neil Allen

It didn’t take much planning by the photographer to produce this photo, but it took some serious forward thinking and quick decision making.  Here’s how it went:

(Neil Allen approaches photographer on St. Louis Cardinals photo day early in 1983.)

Photographer: “Neil, take a knee”

(Neil Allen takes a classic one knee pose, leaning his left elbow on his left knee.)

Neil Allen: “How’s that?”

Photographer: “Well, that’s how it should look, but we’re going to push the envelope a little bit for the good folks at Topps.”

Neil Allen: “Sure, sounds far out, what should I do?”

Photographer: “Take your elbows off your knee and sit more upright.”

(Neil Allen does as instructed, arms at his sides like he’s taking a knee at attention.)

Neil Allen: “How’s this?  Look good?”

Photographer: “Actually, that looks a little bit uptight and tense… let’s go for a cool, casual look.  Put your hands in your jacket pockets.”

Neil Allen: “You mean this awesome, shiny, red satin jacket that I’m wearing with the inexplicably blue pants that the Cardinals have adopted?”

Photographer: “Yeah.  And you know what else?  Don’t look at me.  Look to my left, like you’re distracted.”

(Neil Allen puts his hands in his satin jacket pockets and stares into the distance.)

Neil Allen: “Are we ready?  I have to pee, let’s get this thing done.”

Photographer: “Yeah.  This is cool, collected, casual, and cutting edge.  Exactly what Topps is all about for 1984, and the future.”

Neil Allen: “Fuck yeah.”

(Photographer takes picture.  Neil Allen immortalized on 1984 Topps cardboard.)

WTF – 1989 Donruss, Bill Doran

1989 Donruss - Bill Doran

Why is Bill Doran not reacting at all in this photo?  The ball might be about to hit him in the chin.  Look closely.  He’s not even reacting at all.  The ball is RIGHT THERE.

BILL!  Watch out!  Don’t get hit in the face with the baseball!

WTF – 1983 Topps, Pittsburgh Pirates

1983 Topps - Don Robinson

1983 Topps - Ross Baumgarten

So… these cards came back to back in a pack of 1983 Topps I opened recently.  Tell me this wouldn’t freak you out.  It’s a complete mirror image of early 80’s Pittsburgh polyester glory.  I do wish they’d bring back those hats…

I’ll be honest with you though.  All that black and yellow made me want to dance.

WTF – Jose Nunez at the Bat

1988 Topps - Jose Nunez

Someone told me about this today, and I had to share it – this was published by Sports Illustrated, and you can read it in their online archives.  Good timing considering some of the questionable hitting we are seeing from AL pitchers in NL parks.

THE WEIRDEST AT BAT

Jose Nunez, a righthanded pitcher for the Toronto Blue Jays who had never batted in the pros before, stepped in against the Phillies’ Kevin Gross in an exhibition game in Clearwater, Fla. Before Gross could throw a pitch, the third base ump motioned for Nunez to take off his warmup jacket. Then Nunez returned to the lefthanded-batter’s box and was told by plate ump Dave Pallone that he was wearing a righty’s helmet—the earflap covered his left ear rather than his right, which faced the pitcher. So Nunez turned the helmet around on his head and wore it catcher-style. No, no, said Pallone, get a lefty’s helmet. No, no, said Nunez, who moved across the plate to bat righthanded.

When Gross began his delivery he saw Nunez bent over the plate, looking back into catcher Lance Parrish’s glove.

“What are you doing?” asked Parrish.

“I want to see the signs,” said Nunez.

“O.K., what pitch do you want?”

“Fastball.”

A fastball it was, and Nunez lined it foul. He turned to Parrish and said, “Could you make that a changeup instead?”

At that, Pallone doubled over in laughter, and Gross needed a few minutes to compose himself. Finally, on a 2-2 count, Nunez grounded out to short.

Jose Nunez actually played in the NL for one season – with the Cubs in 1990 – and went 0 for 11 with a walk and one RBI.  I’ll bet he knew how to stand at the plate by then.

WTF – 1988 Fleer, Tim Flannery

1988 Fleer - Tim Flannery

So, Tim Flannery is sharing equal amounts of card space here with a Sauritch surfboard.  In fact, the surfboard might be the primary focus of the photo.  Upon looking at the back of the card, I discovered that Tim Flannery was born in Tulsa, Oklahoma.  The surfing connection did not make sense unless Tulsa has an ocean shoreline I’m unaware of.

So, I looked into it further, and with the help of trusty Wikipedia, and also MLB.com, it turns out he is a legend in San Diego.  He stands fourth all time on the Padres games played list, behind only Tony Gwynn, Garry Templeton, and Dave Winfield.  Therefore, it is fully possible that upon becoming a local legend, Flannery also became involved in local activities like surfing.

However, it is still ridiculous that this card exists – it’s a fucking surfboard.

WTF – Steve Nicosia, 1982 Fleer

1982 Fleer - Steve Nicosia

Flashback to Spring Training 1981… Fleer’s Photographer is instructing Steve Nicosia in preparation for taking the picture on this card:

“Hey, Steve… here’s what you need to do.  Put on the brightest, loudest uniform that you can find… what?  Don’t overthink it man, you play for the fucking Pirates, you’ve got something that’ll work… Yeah, yellow, that looks good, and that striped cap, beautiful.  Now, get down on one knee and put your right hand on your hip.  There, now you look like a ballplayer!  No, don’t wear a glove, come on … I’m in charge here.  Hey, don’t hold that bat either.  You’re being ridiculous.  Focus, Steve.  Now, stare wistfully into the distance.  No, not that way, you idiot.  As if you’re trying to look behind you.  Therrrrre you go!  Wait, we can’t do this yet.  Something’s missing.  You know what, you’re chewing gum.  Blow a bubble.  Bigger… bigger… keep going… there it is!  Now hold that pose!  <Snaps two quick photos so as not to waste “film”>  You’re done buddy, thanks! … No, it didn’t look ridiculous … No, I will not do that … Yes, I’m actually a photographer.  Fuck this, I’m leaving.  Hope the 80’s don’t suck for Pittsburgh.”

And there you have it, the making of Steve Nicosia’s 1982 Fleer card.

WTF – Aurelio Rodriguez

1983 Fleer - Aurelio Rodriguez

Hey, Aurelio, what the hell is so goddamn funny?

PS. Nice mustache.

WTF – Dave Schmidt, Diamond King?

1989 Donruss Diamond King - Dave Schmidt

I am sure Dave Schmidt is a fine person, and he had a decent career in the major leagues, kicking around five different teams between 1981 and 1992.  However, what in the world is he doing as a Diamond King with Donruss in 1989?

In 1988, Schmidt appeared in 41 games, starting nine, and finished with a record of 8-5.  Sure, that led a terrible 54-107 team in wins, but the Diamond King is supposed to be an echelon of awesomeness that only a select few (well, one per team every year for well over a decade) achieve.  I mean, they get Dick Perez to do a fucking painting of you when you’re a Diamond King.  That’s a big deal.

Obviously Cal Ripken and Eddie Murray did something to piss Donruss off that year.

Seriously, Donruss, WTF?