Manly, Magical Mustaches – AL Active Save Leaders

1984 Topps - AL Active Career Save Leaders

If you wanted to be one of the active career saves leaders in the American League in 1984, you had to have a mustache.  Let’s go through the top three at that time:

In third place with 136 saves, Dan Quisenberry made up for his basic, everyman mustache with an incredible submarine delivery.

In second place with 206 saves, Rich Gossage complemented a legendary ‘stache with a legendary nickname, “Goose.”

And, leading the way with 301 saves, Rollie Fingers redefined the baseball mustache during an era when there was a lot of competition – a great deal of mustachery, one might say.

Manly, Magical Mustaches – Gene Nelson

1992 Topps - Gene Nelson

If I had a mustache like that, I’d be smiling too.  Gene Nelson was one of those relievers that don’t exist anymore.  You know, the ones that would pitch in 50-60 games and rack up 100-120 innings.  Nelson achieved a reasonable amount of success, helping Oakland to a World Series sweep over San Francisco in 1989.  Well, I’m not sure he really helped that much – his ERA was 54.00 and he allowed two homers in a total of one inning of work, but I’ll bet with a ‘stache like that and the hockey-style flow that he was still able to par-tay after the A’s won.

Speaking of that, if I ever stole the DeLorean from Doc Brown and Marty McFly, and I was only allowed to take it back in time to a World Series party from the 1980’s, the 1989 A’s party would be the one I’d go to.  Just think about all those egos, all those steroids, all that beer, all those Camaros and probably all that cocaine (well, maybe that was a bit earlier, who knows…) combining into one perfect storm of victory and douchebaggery.  Tell me you wouldn’t sit in the corner with a Miller High Life and enjoy that one.

Manly, Magical Mustaches – Kevin McReynolds

1990 Upper Deck - Kevin McReynolds

Kevin McReynolds’ career numbers were pretty damn consistent in the late 1980’s.  If I was that consistent, I’d probably try to grow a mustache too.

However, his mustache lacks the consistency of his offensive production, and kind of looks like a lot of weak, vaguely creepy mustaches I’m seeing around on this, the second week of Movember.

Good effort, bad result, McReynolds.

Manly, Magical Mustaches – 1984 Topps, Bob Brenly

1984 Topps - Bob Brenly

There is absolutely no way I would get into a collision at the plate with that dude.  Well, at least there’s no way I’m going to get into a collision at the plate with that dude’s mustache.  That thing could knock me to the ground without even trying.

SIDE NOTE: Did you know that Bob Brenly played 48 games for the 1989 AL East Champion Toronto Blue Jays?  Me neither.

Manly, Magical Mustaches – Tom Brookens

1987 Donruss - Tom Brookens

Tom Brookens played in the Majors for 12 years, but the mark that his mustache left on professional baseball will last a lifetime.

Brookens’ mustache was thick and dark.  It hooked around his mouth, teasing into the beginnings of a Fu Manchu, but then stopped there before things got too crazy.

The mustache wasn’t a showman, but was a show in itself without having to work too hard, kind of like Brookens himself.  He played the majority of his games at third base, but also spent a decent amount of time at second and short, and even caught five innings once.

Now a First Base Coach for the Tigers, Brookens still has the mustache.  Although the colour is now a shade of grey, the spirit remains.

The All-Mustache Team: A Challenge to John Axford

So, I was watching This Week in Baseball the other day, and John Axford was there, visiting the MLB Fan Cave and sharing his “All-Mustache Team.”  Here is the team Axford selected:

C Mike Piazza
1B Don Mattingly
2B Bobby Grich
3B Wade Boggs
SS Brendan Ryan
OF John Titus
OF Dwayne Murphy
OF Kevin Bass
DH Jason Giambi
DH Steve Balboni
SP Randy Johnson
SP Jack Morris
RP Rollie Fingers
RP Goose Gossage
RP Dennis Eckersley

That’s a pretty good group.  Not a whole lot to disagree with here.  Overall, I take no issue with and respect Axford’s work.  He is clearly an appreciator of quality mustachery.

However, there is depth in the world of mustaches, so I present to you Sorting by Teams’ official challenge to John Axford.  I followed the same position breakdown as Axford, and of course, no repeats.  May the best ‘staches win.

The SBT All-Mustache Team:

1984 Topps - Bo Diaz (C)

Catcher: Bo Diaz.  He might not have had a mustache throughout his career, but the one he did have for a while was real, and it was spec-tac-ular.

1986 Topps - Bill Buckner (1B)

First Base: Bill Buckner.  Yeah, he missed a ground ball or two, but look at the intensity his mustache brings to the table.

1987 Fleer - Frank White (2B)

Second Base: Frank White… because it’s ok for a mustache to be subtle, understated and solid… just like White.

1983 Topps - Mike Schmidt (3B)

Third Base: Mike Schmidt.  THE Mike Schmidt.

1990 Topps - Robin Yount (SS)

Shortstop: Robin Yount.  Went to the World Series with the Brewers playing SS.  Lighter hair colour so mustache was often overlooked.

1985 Topps - Andre Dawson (OF)

Outfield: Andre Dawson.  Never gets enough credit for the mustache, people were always way too focused on his Hall of Fame numbers… or maybe on the soul patch.

1989 Fleer - Dwight Evans (OF)

Outfield: Dwight Evans.  Eight Gold Gloves, no big deal.

1989 Topps - Dave Winfield (OF)

Outfield: Dave Winfield – will be of most assistance to the team if seagulls are causing problems, or if you need a clutch double in the 11^th inning in the World Series.  Also, he knows his mustache is incredible.

1986 Leaf - Cliff Johnson (DH)

Designated Hitter: Cliff Johnson.  One of the pure DH’s of the early 1980’s.  Fielding?  Why would you need to do that?

1987 Fleer - Gorman Thomas (DH)

Designated Hitter: Gorman Thomas.  Look at the power in that Fu Manchu.  Wow.

1989 Topps - Kirk Gibson All-Star (PH)

Pinch Hitter: On this 1989 Topps All-Star card, Gibson is listed as a “Pinch Hitter,” which he certainly was in the 1988 World Series.  Without the mustache, would that home run have happened?  I think not.

1993 Topps - Dave Stieb (SP)

Starting Pitcher: Dave Stieb.  If you can deal with all the one-hitters, he’s pretty good.

1990 Donruss - Doug Drabek (SP)

Starting Pitcher: Doug Drabek.  Cy Young Award 1990, Cy Young Mustache always.

1988 Fleer - Doug Jones (RP)

Relief Pitcher: Doug Jones.  Seriously underrated mustache.  Must have been the era he played in – so much competition.

1989 Donruss - Dennis Lamp (RP)

Relief Pitcher: Dennis Lamp.  Tell me that mustache isn’t awesome.  Thick, dark, intimidating.  11-0 record as a reliever in 1985.

1987 Topps - Dan Quisenberry (RP)

Relief Pitcher: Dan Quisenberry… every team needs a submariner.

In closing, I’d say we’ve got a close battle here.  I will give Axford’s squad the edge in the Relief Pitching area, but Fingers, Gossage and Eckersley are kind of no-brainers – their mustaches were in a league of their own.  I’d say my outfield will be the backbone of my team.

At any rate, I think we’d have a great series on our hands.

Manly, Magical Mustaches – Eddie Murray

1989 Donruss - Eddie Murray

There’s a lot happening on this card:

-Helmet over ball cap over Afro
-Orange jersey and wrist bands
-Bright green and yellow borders screaming “1989!” at the top of their lungs
-Old school Baltimore Orioles logo
-AN UNBELIEVABLE SWITCH-HITTING HALL OF FAME MUSTACHE

A tip of the cap to you, Mr. Murray.  And your mustache.

Manly, Magical Mustaches – Paul MacLean

1990-91 Score - Paul MacLean

As he was just named Head Coach of the Ottawa Senators (they still have a team?), I thought it would be a good time to celebrate an underrated mustache.  It’s thick, it’s dark, and it once scored 101 points in a season for the Winnipeg Jets.

MacLean played in the NHL from 1981 to 1991, which meant that for most of his career, his mustache lived in the shadows of perhaps the greatest mustache of all time, that of Lanny McDonald.  You could say his was Lemieux to Lanny’s Gretzky.  But, like Lemieux, MacLean’s mustache deserves a place of its own in the Hall of Fame.

In fact, it lives on to this day.  It’s a little greyer, a little more worn, but it’s still pretty incredible… you can see it in all it’s glory in this photo from yesterday’s press conference in Ottawa.

Manly, Magical Mustaches – Dwight Evans

1987 Donruss - Dwight Evans

Sometimes, in posed photos, ballplayers smile for the camera.  Sometimes, they just sit there reluctantly.  Sometimes, they are Dwight Evans on 1987 Donruss and they look like they’re going to jump off the cardboard and beat the shit out of you.

That is a mean looking scowl.  I credit the mustache.

Manly, Magical Mustaches – Gary Ward

1986 Topps - Gary Ward

It’s not just about the mustache.  It’s about the whole package, including the Afro, the sideburns, and the flavour saver.  Put them all together, and you get Gary Ward, circa 1985.  That is one hell of a manly marvel of facial hair.  No wonder his son also played in the big leagues (Daryle Ward).

Once again, 1986 Topps comes through in the clutch with another great card.  This is one of the best sets you can buy for $8 – there is seemingly no end to the greatness.