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Fantastic Fashions – John Burkett

4 Jun

1992 Pinnacle – John Burkett Sidelines

In 1992, Pinnacle had a subset called “Sidelines” which showcased some baseball players’ off-field hobbies and activities.  In this case, they talked about pitcher John Burkett, then of the San Francisco Giants.  As it turns out, Burkett was something of a bowler.  The Boston Globe mentioned it in an article from the 2003-2004 offseason, when Burkett was still hoping to get a Major League pitching job (he didn’t) and was planning to enter some bowling events.  (Side question: are they called matches?  Tournaments? Bonspiels? Please advise.)

However, we can see that Burkett wasn’t much of a dresser with that pink golf shirt and acid washed jeans – like, not a little bit acid washed.  We are talking about industrial grade, straight out of a 1987 Camaro acid washed.  And are those even bowling shoes?  Come on, John.  Wear the clown shoes like the rest of the damn world.  Good form, though.

Fantastic Fashions – Rick DiPietro’s Mask

25 Jan

2011-12 O-Pee-Chee - Rick DiPietro

Last night, the Leafs beat the Islanders for the second time in as many games.  So, I feel entitled to throw some more barbs at them, knock them down another peg or two.  Now, some might say that’s like throwing rocks at someone from a glass house, as I do in fact cheer for the Toronto Maple Leafs, but I’m going to do it anyway.  I mean, come on, the Islanders have become such a laughingstock as an organization.  The way they look is just the tip of the iceberg.

This really is more about the New York Islanders than it is about Rick DiPietro.  It’s not Rick DiPietro’s fault that someone offered him financial security for the next fifteen years (15 years!) when he was already injury prone.  It’s not Rick DiPietro’s fault that the team around him is so awful.  It’s also not really even his fault that the building they play in might fall down.

What is Rick DiPietro’s fault is that during the 2010-11 season, he wore the debacle of a mask you see above in National Hockey League games.  The mask, belonging to Chris Osgood, made sense for old goalies like Osgood or Ken Wregget in 1987, but looked downright silly in 2011.  InGoal Magazine questions this decision perfectly in an article from last March.

Having to wear this mask – not sure I mentioned it, but the Islanders play in the NHL, not Sunday beer league in a small town – might have been some kind of payback.  Perhaps it was karma for being such a cocky youth that veteran teammates informed reporters that two seats were required for “Ricky” DiPietro, one for him, and one for his ego.

In closing, I have some news for you from every season since his 15 year contract was signed back in 2006: Rick DiPietro is currently out with an injury.  Shocking.

Fantastic Fashions – The New York Islanders… On Cardboard

7 Dec

I know I’ve picked on the aesthetics of the New York Islanders before, but I’ve been thinking about it, and I’m going to do it again – this time, with cardboard visual evidence.  I would say this will be the last time, but I refuse to make promises that I know I can’t keep.

In the beginning, they were blue, and they were orange.  They looked good, they had great players, they won Stanley Cups, and people cared.  They could even pull off some pretty bad helmet styles and get away with it.

1984-85 O-Pee-Chee - Pat LaFontaine

1989-90 O-Pee-Chee - Bryan Trottier

In 1995, it all fell apart for the Islanders.  They decided that Captain Highliner and teal were the future, so they changed their look.  It was not good.  It didn’t really even make sense.

1997-98 Donruss - Zigmund Palffy

1997-98 Donruss - Todd Bertuzzi

Everyone said they looked stupid, so they put the original logo back on.

1998-99 UD Choice - Trevor Linden

1998-99 UD Choice - Zdeno Chara

But everyone still said they looked stupid.

So, they went back to the original, only dark blue.  They promised no more goofy logos.  Things were good again – the terrible team and crumbling arena notwithstanding.

1999-00 Upper Deck - Olli Jokinen

1998-99 UD Gold Reserve - Mike Watt

Then, they decided that they needed to throw orange vomit at their fans, and that Alexei Yashin needed something flashier to wear – he was, after all, about to be paid by the organization for a full generation.

2007-08 UD Victory - Alexei Yashin

Everyone said they looked stupid.

When the NHL went to the Reebok Edge design, they decided that instead of fixing the orange problem, they should make it worse, so they went to this disaster of a colour-by-number children’s drawing.  They even made Doug Weight look like a dick, which is by all accounts, a difficult feat.

2008-09 Upper Deck - Doug Weight

2009-10 O-Pee-Chee - Trevor Smith

Everyone said they looked stupid.

When they were allowed to bring back a third jersey, they brought back the original blue uniform.  People liked it, it looked good, so they scrapped the colour-by-number and went back to the original blues and whites full time.  And they looked good.  They looked classic, they didn’t look embarrassing.  And there were rumours they might actually have a future with some kid named Tavares.

2011-12 Score - John Tavares

2011-12 O-Pee-Chee - Trent Hunter

And then they introduced us to this.

And, once again, everyone says they look stupid.

SIDE NOTE: Make sure you check out the Islanders section at for a season-by-season account of the Islanders looking terrible.

Fantastic Fashions – Why the Thrashers Left

16 Nov

2010-11 Score - Nik Antropov

I learned today why the Atlanta Thrashers really left town and set up shop as the Winnipeg Jets.

It was this awful monstrosity of a uniform.  Really.  What is going on there?  The socks only make it worse…

I’d say the City of Winnipeg owes some designer a thank you.

The New York Islanders, while not quite as bad, will be the next team to leave town due to a uniform.

Fantastic Fashions – Randy Moffitt

17 Sep

1984 Topps - Randy Moffitt

Today in poor fashion choices that ended up immortalized on baseball cards, Toronto Blue Jays pitcher Randy Moffitt shows us his uniform which is overtop of a plastic undershirt which is overtop of a turtleneck.

Obviously a classic look, Randy, but can’t see how it was comfortable.

Fantastic Fashions – The Florida Marlins

31 Aug

1993 Upper Deck - Scott Pose

Just look at all that… TEAL.  Wow.

Teal invaded Major League Baseball in 1993 with the same intensity that is on Scott Pose’s face as he rounds the bases.

The Florida Marlins brought teal with them, and the Colorado Rockies were responsible for the introduction of purple.  In hockey, the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim combined both.  The results were not good.

It really was out of control back then.

Fantastic Fashions – Tony Pena

8 Aug

1989 Donruss - Tony Pena

That is some turtleneck, Tony Pena, some turtleneck.  Also, some pretty nice wire-rimmed glasses.

Essentially, this photograph speaks for itself.

Well played, Pena.

Fantastic Fashions – Sergei Fedorov

16 Jun

1997-98 Score - Sergei Fedorov

I’ll bet nobody looks this damn cool at the Boston Bruins Stanley Cup celebration this weekend.  That slick hair/sunglasses/zippered golf shirt/white khakis combination is spectacular.  It just tops off how cool Fedorov was in the late 1990’s.  He had the white skates, the Nike gloves, the “White Russian” posters… don’t pretend you didn’t think all that was awesome back in the day.

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