Manly, Magical Mustaches – Lanny McDonald

5 Jul

1989-90 O-Pee-Chee Lanny McDonald (#7)

Ok, so this one is obvious.  But seriously, look at that thing, rippling in the breeze on that piece of 1989-90 O-Pee-Chee brilliance.  The guy scored 500 goals, 1000 points, and capped it all off that 1988-89 season by winning the Stanley Cup in his final game, as a member of the only visiting team to win the Cup on Montreal Forum ice.

I legitimately believe that Lanny McDonald’s mustache is the reason why there are 27 words in the Albanian dictionary for mustache – this fact is on Wikipedia, it must be accurate.  There are not enough words to describe something as spectacular as that flowing burnt sienna facial mane in English.  He’s too classy to call it a fanny duster or a trash ‘stache, and it’s more than a crumb catcher – that thing can keep whole meals warm to enjoy later.

Am I saying that Lanny McDonald wouldn’t be in the Hockey Hall of Fame had he not grown the mustache?  Yes, I am.  I believe it gave him the powers he needed to succeed.  Lanny McDonald’s bare upper lip affects him in the same way that Kryptonite can kill Superman, or the way water can melt the Wicked Witch of the West.  He had to keep the mustache flowing to keep the bare lip at bay.  And flow it did… thanks for the great years, Lanny.

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